Desktop Diaries: Raffaella
Interview & Photos by Athena Merry, Collages by Jade
these interviews were conducted over zoom + email between april and july of 2020. the answers are mostly unedited, offering an honest insight into the headspace of various bands/musicians across the world during these months.
you can read more desktop diaries here.
Raffaella
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How have you been, really?
Pretty good. Oops.
How has quarantine affected the way you create? Are there any changes that surprised you? Anything that’s remained the same?
Not much has changed. Usually ideas just pop up and I don’t know why or how.
My heightened sense of nostalgia invites the most surprises... so many moments I know I hated, now seem like a page in a storybook. I've been diving deep into old photos on facebook… I’d forgotten about things like flirting by comparing hands in freshman hallways and “mobile uploads” of sleepovers with old bullies. Music from back then also hits me particularly hard - hadn’t listened to “Sunshine” by Atmosphere since the summer of 2009, immediately remembered smoking weed in Central Park for the first time with scary city-school kids in the grade above me; also randomly remembered a card game I made up with my dad called Slap Happy (if you put down a queen you had to quickly put your hand on your chest, if you got a king you’d salute - he usually mixed them up and hit himself in the face, funny stuff). Anyway, images/memories/words/lyrics, those have been coming pretty easy… finding the incentive to write melodies for them has been trickier.
Where have you been finding inspiration in isolation? And expanding on that, what’s the most random thing that has inspired you?
FaceTime, surprisingly inspiring. The most random thing that inspired me… I guess I was pretty inspired by watching people try to cut their bangs with school scissors on the internet.
What does your typical day look like now?
Wake up late, listen to music with coffee, journal, call friends, instagram yoga, practice piano/try to write… I’ve perfected avocado toast after giving all of my money to it over the past 5 years… wine and love island.
Have you picked up any new habits? (conscious or unconscious)
Yes. Sudoku. Used to hate it; now I love it. Learned that it, in fact, is not math.
What do you find important right now? This can be as broad and world-effecting or as small and self-focused as you want.
Avoid solipsism. Too lonely if you don’t.
As a musician unable to play live shows - how do you find yourself connecting with fans, now? How do you think this is impacting our experience of and relationship with music?
Instagram Live I guess? Is the best bet? Playing for an invisible audience feels lonely but also intimate in a way that could never exist outside of my bedroom - weird to think about how many people I’ve invited to see the mess on my bed or the view from my window… I’m pretty delusional about it all. I struggle with privacy/balancing sharing and connecting to others with the “I’m naked at school and I’m not aware that this is a dream” feeling. But - back to the question - everything about experiencing music feels paradoxical: lonely yet intimate, physically disconnected yet virtually more connected than ever… I watched my friend’s live the other day and I cried and smiled like a maniac throughout the whole thing - it sounded like everything I missed, but I never felt further away from something that was right in front of me.
What was the last selfish thing you did?
Ask you to read everything above this.
Tell us about the last time you truly felt free.
Last week when I went up to the roof and danced for no one.
What’s something you’re proud of at the moment?
My friends.
What long term effects do you think this experience will have on you moving forward?
I’ll probably use my sleeve to open things for a while. I’ll also probably live in fear for a while.
What’s one thing you wish you would have done more of? One thing you will do more of after the pandemic has ended?
Support small businesses, call my senators to ask why they continue to treat prisoners like they are not human beings, do whatever it takes to get this motherfucker out of the Oval Office, go on more walks, share food with my friends… I’d also like to get better at dancing.
