This Is Your Life

by Alai Landa

☆

One of the main causes of stress while I was at school was battling with my internalized belief that I had to live according to the ideals of others. I had to be back in school that coming September, I had to study something “valuable”, I had to make sure everyone was on board with what I decided to do with my life. 

It wasn’t my parents putting this crazy pressure on me; I just set really high standards for myself. There was a clear path ahead of me I could take to make them proud and I convinced myself it would be shameful to aspire for anything other than that. But I wasn’t trusting in myself enough to believe I could follow my own heart and still make them proud.

I didn’t want to go into debt for school so I was looking at other public Spanish universities (where tuition is roughly $1,200 a year), but the language and culture difference was often discouraging. I’d spend hours every day researching possible universities and degrees I could see myself pursuing. But it would always end in tears because I didn’t want to spend 4 years in a classroom and no amount of research could change that. 

As I started to spend more time focusing on my well-being, I noticed that this immense pressure would dissolve when I simply took away my attention. It may seem obvious, but when I’d stop spending hours on my computer trying to figure out what I’d do with myself for the next 5 years and just went outside, there was suddenly nothing wrong in the world. 

It’s funny because I had read so much about being in the present and non-duality and consciousness and “at-one-ness”, but I made excuses for myself because this was “actually important”. Nothing is more important than your sanity. When you are lost in the past and future; if’s and but’s, everything you do and every interaction you have will reflect that. In worrying about your success, you are self-sabotaging your chances and reaching it.

Know Thyself

No amount of research, thinking, inspiration, or any external thing will align you with your truest sense of self and purpose. It’s ridiculous that we are expected to know our destiny when there is no “mainstream” emphasis on the fundamental steps to get there. We have to start from the very center and gradually move through the process. 

The first thing we need to understand is that “reality” is completely relative to your perception. Life is what you make of  it. Any conflicting reaction to the external occurs when you are unaware that the only thing in the entire universe you have control over is yourself. This is important because we spend so much time trying to make things work out how we want them to and end up losing ourselves in these fruitless attempts; digging ourselves into a hole of stress, anxiety, and disappointment. 

So if there is conflict, stop, let it go, and check in with yourself. Spend dedicated and intentional time to understanding yourself and becoming aware of your mental patterns. Get to know yourself with no other purpose that to know yourself; no end goal, no ultimatum, no expectation, and most importantly, no judgement. 

Love Thyself

In this practice what we are able to find is who we are in the face of the world. We realize that we are the only person who is capable of truly appreciating ourselves because only we person who is capable of truly knowing ourselves. And, here, self-love blooms. 

From this place, you are able to see what you truly like and dislike, what you stand for, what you believe in, and what you desire in a direct way. No amount of explanation could possibly allow someone else to understand you the way you can. 

Whenever we are interacting with the physical world, we are being influenced and an unconscious mind is determined by circumstance. When you become conscious of yourself, you instead work with your experiences to better understand yourself and aren’t so easily swayed. We are filled with the opinions and thoughts of other peoples, doctrines, and dogmas; from this place of self-love it becomes clear what belongs and what must be left behind. 

This is because we value ourselves so much that we no longer base decisions and thought patterns around acceptance from others, but on self-respect. 

“And when you want something, all the universe conspires
in helping you achieve it” - The Alchemist

In this clarity and closeness to ourselves, we are then receptive to the signs in our path guiding us along our mission. It’s not something that can be Googled or passed down, but only uncovered by our own doing. And this is the best goal to work towards because there is nothing that can make you unsure of yourself as long as you are centered. 

Although this is all very simple, it is not easy. This is our life’s most important work. We are challenged every single day and with every trauma healed or false belief unveiled, we become increasingly aware of the sheer amount of work we have to do. But there is no better work. 

As long as we are on this path and are listening to our hearts, you will find that you don’t even have to worry about the “how” anymore. When you are aligned with yourself, you are aligned with divinity and the universe brings to you all you need to succeed. 

Once you let go of control, you have all the power in the world. 

So I Went To The Jungle

I gave up trying to fit myself into a box and decided to reconnect with my roots. I was born to Venezuelan parents in Panama on March 2 of 2000. Sadly, Venezuela is under a very dangerous dictatorship which we are currently supporting our family through, so I couldn’t travel there. Instead, I planned a 2 month long trip from Panama city to northern Costa Rica where I have many family friends. 

It wasn’t hard to decide that this is what I wanted to do, it was hard to accept that I was capable to doing it. But here I am, a month and two weeks into the trip, writing my book, and grateful for my decision every single day. 

If it sounds out of reach, it did to me too. But I dedicated my Summer to working 4-6 days a week to save up for this trip, borrowed backpacking backpacks from friends, and used budget airlines to get here. I wrote a more in-depth article about how to travel cheap and why you definitely should. I’ve learned so much about the world, people, nature, and myself; things not even the best professors could provide.