Girl In a Dying World

words by Ava Moore, art by Ruby Knight

★

I feel so lost and so alone. Stuck inside, when all i want to do is immerse myself so thoroughly in the outside world that I simply disappear. The sky is a raging blue and humidity has gathered and weighs on my skin. The sea is only five, maybe ten minutes away, but it might as well be many months; a journey that if I start now, I might make by the time the sky turns the color of cigarette smoke and the air smells of lost things. 

I spend hours lost on my phone. It’s to the point where I've thrown it across the room. I am so done with material things and with these oppressive objects that steal away hours and hours of what should be a vibrant life. Although, what’s left of that life now? Between my own reckless behavior and this virus, that has swept the entire world straight back into their bedrooms just as I begin to start my life. 

It fascinates me how something as primal and atavistic as a virus can so easily topple this iron society, which so many have died under and tried to claw their way out. This thing that we worship that we sacrifice our lives for (our bodies, our minds) that seem so immovable and indestructible, can be so easily overthrown. This society that our grandparents died for and that seeks to devour our entire generation whole is sucking us into a grayscale eternity; 9-5 and a tiny cubicle, swallowing decades in a second, siphoning the color from your skin, breaking your bones and quietly dissolving your mind. You stumble out, 70 years later, only to find yourself in an entirely new world. Before you can touch it, you are swept away.

This is the life I fear. This is the life I would rather die than live in. This is why I am reckless, spontaneous to a fault, always seeking and searching for the next piece of eternity, next red-gold night, or the next thrill. This is the life that I will lead, at least until it kills me. Life should be about living, seeking, loving, crying, being heartbroken or drinking on the rooftops at 1 a.m. as the colors of the skyline blur together into a bright gold that must be heaven.

I was a girl born into a dying world and a generation destined to see the death of our entire planet, a generation that faces the void alone, as our leaders herd us into it. It is a generation that will die in a foreign world. 

This is our future. So, don’t blame us for being reckless, irresponsible and high. We just want to enjoy the tiny, limited days you’ve given us. Just as we get them, they turn into dust and slip through our fingers. Time is limited. The place I was born will soon be covered by water. The house I grew up in will drown and decay. The places that mean so much to me, the landmarks of my childhood, and the highs and lows of my life will be lost. 

People will die in a burning world. The seas will rise and cities will crumble into gray water. This is the world you have given us. Don’t blame us for enjoying these last precious days and enjoying whatever’s left of life.

We are just trying to suck out the last drops of feeling before the world runs dry. Before it’s your time to go and our time to face what you have given us.

☆